After Midnight ramble...

I spent a lot of today doing nothing. Well, napping, eating, avoiding writing out bills, and contemplating the meaning of the cosmos.

Light thought.

I wish that I had more direction in many things. I wish that I could be happy all the time.

But it can't rain all the time.

My knees are popping so all those years of Quest and running around on my knees, and high school track and cross country, and dancing like a fool on concrete and doing weird moves is finally taking their collective tolls.

Am I a troll? A weirdo? A waste of flesh? Maybe? Maybe not.

I wish, sometimes, that life were more like the good romantic dramas on The WB. Where all the drama is easilly wrapped up within a season, there is conflict that is either readilly resolved, or can be won by a good clean fight at a party. And that people fall in love and out of love and it doesn't kill them. And they eventually end up where they should be.

I wish that I could sleep like normal people, and not want to claw my eyes out before noon.

Why is it that I look fat when I have a beard, but I look like five years old when I shave? Why can I not figure out what it is that I'm hungry for?

Why can't I keep my room clean as I'd like? Why is Henry Rollins a such a great poet and such a weirdo?

Why *can't* tori read?

What is the meaning of life?

And why do I only feel alive, so late at night? And why am I at my best in so many things, only when I'm unhappy about something?

Sleepy now. And my copy of Factotum is calling.