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Ready to go now.
Jul. 19th, 2004 12:46 pmThursday evening cannot come soon enough. Not NEARLY enough.
I need severe isolation and relaxation. Now. Stat. Right away, dammit. I need to be sitting on the porch drinking a beer and staring at the tide go out a mile. I need this now. Vancouver, BC and Point Roberts, WA, NOW. NOW NOW NOW NOW.
I swear everything is working on my nerves today. It's like all of my insecurities have bubbled up to the surface and are oozing out at every little thing. Shit that hasn't bugged me (in earnest, anyway) since 7th grade is getting to me, so I know I'm wound up.
And I'm antsy as crap about the EW job. I haven't heard back from them, and it'll be a week tomorrow. Aaaaargh. Dang you people on weekly deadlines!
I need a change of pace, and I need it right now. "I want an oompa loompa right now!" I'm so burnt out, I look like Richard Pryor right after the um...accident...I'm so burned out with some of everything, I look more fugged up than Freddy Krueger.
I guess, really what it is--the real cause for my freakdom, is just being depressed. Which I think happens to everyone from time to time. It's just been a while since it's hit so damn hard, and it's frustrating. Mainly because I don't like how it fits. I mean, I'm getting physical manifestations again, which hasn't happend since Sophomore year at Yale...the dreaded "backspasm" incident.
What was it that year? Lesse: The HUGE earthquake that knocked down some of everything in LA, and I was at school. My aunt died. I was dying in the Political Science Major. I had bottomed out on my relationship with the Yale African American community. Cash flow problems both at school and at home. I was struggling in French for some reason. I was having a crisis of faith or rather trying to defend my faith to some (never take a philosophy course on the nature of good and evil when you're dealing with your own religious issues--even when it's interesting material). I was working on play, after play, after play, and was only being let in as a techie, and not sleeping because of it. I had developed an allergy to cats, which was problematic, as I was hanging mainly with a girl who owned a cat. And I had discovered the evil of MUDs.
In short, I was kinda fucked that year.
Now, it's something like that, but not really. Not really. Just, lots of the same heaped on heaps that are already about to fall over. I need to burn it all, I guess. And sleep (which come this vacation will be for the weak/week.)
And I would kill for some chocolate right now.
I need severe isolation and relaxation. Now. Stat. Right away, dammit. I need to be sitting on the porch drinking a beer and staring at the tide go out a mile. I need this now. Vancouver, BC and Point Roberts, WA, NOW. NOW NOW NOW NOW.
I swear everything is working on my nerves today. It's like all of my insecurities have bubbled up to the surface and are oozing out at every little thing. Shit that hasn't bugged me (in earnest, anyway) since 7th grade is getting to me, so I know I'm wound up.
And I'm antsy as crap about the EW job. I haven't heard back from them, and it'll be a week tomorrow. Aaaaargh. Dang you people on weekly deadlines!
I need a change of pace, and I need it right now. "I want an oompa loompa right now!" I'm so burnt out, I look like Richard Pryor right after the um...accident...I'm so burned out with some of everything, I look more fugged up than Freddy Krueger.
I guess, really what it is--the real cause for my freakdom, is just being depressed. Which I think happens to everyone from time to time. It's just been a while since it's hit so damn hard, and it's frustrating. Mainly because I don't like how it fits. I mean, I'm getting physical manifestations again, which hasn't happend since Sophomore year at Yale...the dreaded "backspasm" incident.
What was it that year? Lesse: The HUGE earthquake that knocked down some of everything in LA, and I was at school. My aunt died. I was dying in the Political Science Major. I had bottomed out on my relationship with the Yale African American community. Cash flow problems both at school and at home. I was struggling in French for some reason. I was having a crisis of faith or rather trying to defend my faith to some (never take a philosophy course on the nature of good and evil when you're dealing with your own religious issues--even when it's interesting material). I was working on play, after play, after play, and was only being let in as a techie, and not sleeping because of it. I had developed an allergy to cats, which was problematic, as I was hanging mainly with a girl who owned a cat. And I had discovered the evil of MUDs.
In short, I was kinda fucked that year.
Now, it's something like that, but not really. Not really. Just, lots of the same heaped on heaps that are already about to fall over. I need to burn it all, I guess. And sleep (which come this vacation will be for the weak/week.)
And I would kill for some chocolate right now.
